My Adult Eczema Wasn’t Just a Skin Problem

I Thought My Skin Was the Problem. Turns Out, It Was Trying to Tell Me Something.

I never really thought much about my skin until I suddenly had a reason to.

A few years ago, my skin started changing in a way I couldn't quite explain. I was dealing with irritation, flare-ups and what felt like eczema, and suddenly I was thinking about my skin all the time. I would wake up and check it in the mirror, wonder what I had done differently, change my skincare, search ingredients and try to figure out what was triggering it. I kept thinking that if I could just find the right product or figure out what I was allergic to, I could get back to normal.

And I did eventually find out that I had a topical cobalt allergy, which gave me some answers. But even after making changes to the things touching my skin, I still wasn't feeling like myself.

It got to the point where I had tried everything. Elimination diets, food allergy testing, skin infections, emergency visits, you name it. I couldn’t keep on this road of always guessing, always trying new products that worked for someone else, I had to go to the source of the problem.

That's when I started looking at the bigger picture.

At the time, I was under a lot of stress. I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't taking care of myself the way I normally would, and I had gotten really good at just pushing through everything. I was still doing all the things I needed to do. I was taking care of my family, keeping up with life and looking fine from the outside. But internally, I was overwhelmed. I had panic attacks, I cried more than I want to admit, I isolated myself and, somewhere along the way, I lost my spark.

My skin was just the part of the story that I could actually see.

That realization changed the way I looked at my eczema and my health. Instead of constantly asking myself what I needed to put on my skin, I started asking what I needed to do for me. I started paying attention to my sleep, my stress, what I was eating, how much I was moving, how often I was actually getting outside and whether I was giving myself any time to slow down.

There wasn't one magical product that fixed everything. It was much less exciting than that. I started doing the boring things that I had been neglecting. I walked more. I started moving my body again. I cooked more at home. I drank more water. I tried to sleep better. I spent more time outside. I journaled. I rested. I started creating little pockets of peace in my day instead of constantly rushing through it.

And slowly, I started feeling better.

Not just in my skin.

In myself.

I started enjoying getting ready again. I started taking pictures without immediately looking at my skin. I started laughing more. I wanted to get dressed. I wanted to go places. I wanted to cook and decorate and make my home feel good. I wanted to be present with my family instead of always thinking about the next thing I needed to do.

My skin still isn't perfect. I still have flare-ups and I still have things I'm figuring out. I don't believe eczema has one universal cause or that there is one routine that will magically heal everyone's skin. My experience is just that, my experience.

But I do believe my skin taught me something I desperately needed to learn.

I can't separate taking care of my skin from taking care of myself.

For so long, I was trying to fix what I could see without paying attention to what was happening underneath it.

Now, I'm much more interested in the whole picture.

I'm 37 now, and I'm in another season of trying to get myself back into a good routine. I'm focusing on movement, strength, nourishing food, better sleep, less alcohol, more time outside and finding some balance in the middle of a very busy life. I'm not trying to become a completely different person or create some perfect wellness routine.

I just want to feel good again.

I want to feel strong and healthy. I want to wake up rested. I want to enjoy my coffee in my kitchen. I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I want to laugh with my husband, be present with my kids, enjoy my home and actually experience my life instead of constantly rushing through it.

And maybe that's the biggest thing my skin journey has taught me.

I thought I needed to get my skin back.

Really, I needed to get myself back.

And I'm still doing it.

One little choice at a time.