Homeschooling Update, Life Update & the Messes of Life
Oh man, has this stage been a roller coaster. To be honest, I’m not completely sure when this period of life started; possibly back in the Fall, possibly not, but I feel like the majority of the time I have been either frustrated, blissfully unaware, or drowning. I just hate being negative, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed that or not. However, I’ve been through enough in life to see how bad things can be, and how I should just be thankful for everything I have and every day I am given. That being said, I think we are meant to experience pain, we are made to journey through it, and I am so thankful for the people around me and this amazing community of people I have around me to go through these things with!
Homeschooling. I get asked almost daily about homeschooling. Why we chose to homeschool, our curriculum, how I like it, etc. I will link my blog post with the initial reasons why we chose to homeschool here if you would like to check that out. The “why” has been my driving force of fuel through these months. Remembering that we chose this for discovery and improvement and this was not the final destination. I see so many advantages to homeschooling your kids, from the mind-blowing amount of work we get through, to the depth of learning that you can achieve with one on one attention it is genuinely astounding. It's not something I would take on if you are not blessed with help and consistent support. Having a six-year-old with behavioural difficulties at home 100% of the time is EXHAUSTING, and mentally I have struggled for months feeling like I’m going to go through this forever. Balance is something I have been desperately searching for these months, between homeschooling, blogging, social life, and my marriage, a balance has just not been attainable.
All of that said, I can sum up our life update with two words - “who knows”. Jackson is getting assessed by a child psychologist in the next couple of weeks, testing for certain things and looking to see what our best options are going forward. Our plan for next year is to have him back in school, and praying he either qualifies for a more specialized school, or we find one that can cater more to his specific needs. To my knowledge, most of these types of schools are on the opposite side of the city from us, so we are also preparing the house to possibly sell this summer and relocate. I said I was overwhelmed, right?
This little booger is a constant reminder to me of individuality, and how two kids can be raised by the same people, and be 100% opposite. While I school Jackson, I try and get some work done for my business, and attempt to also entertain M with puzzles and colouring to not distract his brother - again, lack of balance is a repeated issue through these days. However, we’ve made it to April with this routine, and I have been able to see M’s creative side and his eagerness to be like his brother but in a totally different way. We PLAN to enroll him in preschool this September, but again, who knows.
So most of you don’t know this, but when I was 16 years old, I went on a first date that ended in a huge car accident. The vehicle was a complete write-off and I ended up in physical rehab for months attempting to fix my back and shoulder pain. They told me it would always be an issue, but in my early 20s I was so active and determined to not face this pain, I was generally pain-free! Fast forward to this winter, homeschooling, hibernating from the frigid temperatures, without a vehicle, homeschooling and blogging, hunched over a computer and notebooks. My neck started to get so bad, at one point I lost hearing in my left ear, and these last few months have been the most physically painful of my life. I went through a week of feeling like had a migraine headache constantly, not able to move my neck, look around, or even stand up. This was my rock bottom. If you saw me in person, it was written all over my face. I was officially defeated, depressed, and just over it.
I think so many of us feel that way in different stages, and I am one who usually needs to hit rock bottom to figure it out. I did that, I looked in the mirror two weeks ago and didn’t recognize myself. I had let myself be so off balance that I forgot to take care of me, I forgot how important it is to fuel yourself, and I let myself start to fall apart, mentally and physically. Guess who is the only one who can fix that? ME! No one is going to rescue me, no one is going to come to take my kids for me so I can function, no one is going to make me eat healthy, exercise, or wake up with a positive attitude except for me.
These last two weeks have been a breath of fresh air. I am still finding balance, I am still searching for answers and finding what I need to do in order to retain mental happiness and clarity. HOWEVER, I am making changes and in two weeks I feel like my energy and happiness have returned to the point that I have so many goals its no joke. If you are someone going through a season of unbalance and “who knows”, I hope you can look in the mirror and see your happy self, and still continue to make wild and achievable goals for yourself through the period of unknown. Do not forget to take care of yourself through the mess of the day, because you cannot raise little humans if you are not waking up fueled and fulfilled. I have not been the mother I want to be over these months, and only I can make the priority of making sure I am fueled enough to be that person I want to be for them! Make yourself the priority.
This was a bit longer of a post then I had originally planned, but if you are still here, thank you for reading, your interest in our family and I hope if you are going through a season of being unfueled that you got something from this and can find a new balance. I will do a blog post in the next week or two talking about the changes I’ve been making, so stay tuned for that!
Thanks for listening, I love you guys, and thank you for being such an amazing community of people!